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If Baseball was Played on Paper: Part Two

1. If baseball was played on paper, there would be a lot less sliding or diving. We all know how painful paper cuts can be.

2. If baseball was played on paper, players would tip-toe around daintily, so as not to stomp right through the field. This would hinder their movement and ability to get to a ball or to a base. And again, paper cuts...

3. If baseball was played on paper, grounds-crew work would consist of patching. A lot of patching.

4. If baseball was played on paper, pretty much anyone could play regardless of gender, age, or athletic ability. This is because pretty much nothing would ever really be accomplished. Half-innings would take three hours to complete. Pro games would resemble sandlot exercises of ineptitude.

5. If baseball was played on paper, athletes, fans, and media alike would have to wait ten minutes for the automated-ball-retrieval system to return balls that have torn through the turf like it was...well...paper. Then the grounds-crew would have to come in to patch up the hole. While they waited, crowds and audiences would have to endure those silly "kiss cams" and races between a doughnut, bagel, and cup of coffee. This would add a significant amount of time--and poor video production-- to games that already last way too long.

6. If baseball was played on paper, spikes and cleats would be banned.

7. So would spitting.

8. If baseball was played on paper, laundry would only be done once a week-- no more grass stains!

9. If baseball was played on paper, there'd be a lot of "crinkling" noises during a game.

10. If baseball was played on paper, just imagine the rain delays.

By: Andy Fung
April 19, 2011


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